On Being Bald

I've been bald since I was 10.
I don't think I'll ever grow it back. Like ever.
I sometimes get these patches that end up annoying me by blowing in the wind.
And honestly, I never sit here and sulk, wishing my hair would grow back.
Although, I do think, for a fleeting moment, Ooh, it'd be nice to have some brows and lashes. This makeup look would be banging if I had brows and lashes.
But, alas, they never grow. I only get the patches on my head and maybe one random eyelash that causes me and abundance of irritation before it decides to fall out again.
I've never shaved.
I didn't get to do my hair for prom, I just combed through a wig that I threw on.
What will I do for my wedding day?
I practice cute styles on my sister who has unbelievably long hair. Like insane, down past her butt.
It never really makes me sad that I don't have hair. It's just the hand I was dealt. And besides, what is being sad gonna do about it? For every tear that drop a new strand of hair will grow?! Lmao, please. There's no point in being sad. 

I'm 24 now, so I've been bald longer than I've had hair.

Holy shit.

Also, another holy shit moment- I'm gonna be 25 soon, that sounds wayyyy more grown up than I feel.

Kids ask all the time; they don't get it.
        But how did you lose it?
        It just fell out?
        Are you sick?
        What happened to you hair?
        Do you even have hair under that hat?


Kids annoy me when they don't ask. Like, excuse me little fucker, are you going to just stare at me all day? Then I start getting mad at their parents, like why are you not watching your kid? Did you teach them its not polite to stare? Oh, no you're just gonna let them stare at me and then laugh it of like "oh, kids will be kids." How about no. How about you raise your child better and actually keep an eye on them. I used to scare the kids that would stare at me. Like, screw you, here's me best scary face. Now-a-days, I just stare back at them. Like so hard. They get uncomfortable before me, because I give no fucks, and then they usually hide behind their parents.


Sometimes, the adults are worse. Seriously this happened to me before, a long time ago now, but that's not the point.

I'm in the zone working out on the treadmill at the gym I belong to, but rarely go to anymore, headphones in, listening to my best Gym Playlist while simultaneously watching the Food Network on the TV attached to the treadmill. (Which, just goes to show how much of a #fatgirl I am.) Sweating it out, and this lady taps me on the shoulder, interrupting me.

Excuse me, I'm freaking speed walking here, can't you see that?

I take out one ear bud to show her that I don't have time for her, can't you tell I'm really into this workout. At first I'm thinking I dropped something, or that she's gonna tell me like my shoe is untied, but nope, not the case. She asks me if I was going through treatment.

Treatment aka chemotherapy for the cancer I so clearly have.

Oh god, seriously, you're gonna stop me to ask this?!

I respond with, Nope, I'm good. I'm actually really healthy. Still speed walking, still holding my ear bud in my hand that's hovering next to my ear, to show her that I can't wait to finish this conversation and put my headphone back in. To say something like, move along, lady, I'm fine. Really.

She goes on to say, I just wanted to offer my empathy in case you were, because I've gone through treatment before. I say Oh, okay, blah blah bah. And she keeps going, blah blah blah. I don't remember how it ended, but I know I don't tell her what I do have. Or why I'm wearing my hat at all. I just couldn't wait for her to leave. I mean I should've paused that damn Fergie song as soon as she tapped me.

Then, as I finish my workout, doing a round at the machines, I think, gosh, she must really not have thought about that before she interrupted me. And all I ask of people, is think before you speak. It will save yourself and the people you are talking to some irritation and annoyance. Especially at the gym. That's a no talking place. Get in, do your shit, get out. No one wants I don't want to make friends at the gym.

You thought I was going through chemo? How did that make enough sense to you that you would interrupt me? Like seriously. If you thought about it a little bit more, you would've saved me from you. For one- do I look remotely sickly? I mean okay, no makeup, mayyybe like flu-y, but cancer sickly? No. For two- I'm fucking fat. Have you seen a fat chemo patient before? I know I haven't. Come on. For three- I'm fresh out the hospital after chemotherapy and I choose to go to the gym? Whaaat?

Sorry, not sorry lady, but next time don't interrupt me at the gym. Think before you approach me. 

I'm healthier than most in the sickness department, my immune system is essentially in over-drive. Alopecia occurs when one's immune system basically has nothing to do, no infections to fight off, no bugs to fix, and so it sees one's hair follicles as foreign invaders, for whatever reason, or really, no reason at all, and attacks them, causing them to fall out. And that's when you lose your hair, in patches at first, known as Alopecia Areata. Then it can snowball into Alopecia Totalis, no hair on you head, and even more so, Alopeica Universalis, no hair anywhere on your body.

I guess I am glad though that I have AU. I feel like if I have to be bald, I might as well have no hair anywhere. I'd hate to deal with patches, or just a bald head and hair everywhere else. Ew. Especially now since I've grown to not like hair really.

Well, here's to another 14 hairless years. Damn, I'll be 38 then.