Another Open Letter

          I recently read an article on theodysseyonline.com and it got me thinking. The article drew me in because of it's title "An Open Letter To The Friends That Walked Out Of My Life" and the use of a Taylor Swift gif.  The author, Brittany Molinari, touched on the self explanatory topic and it got my wheels turning. I too have experienced a friendship that has failed, but I didn't necessarily agree with everything Molinari says. So, here's my take on this topic:

"An Open Letter to the Bitch Who Clearly Didn't Want to be My Friend Friend I Cut Out"

           I tried to fix it. I really did. And clearly, you didn't want to. I have no idea who you're friends with these days, but I hope you treat them better than you treated me, and I hope you care enough about them to continuously put effort into that relationship.

          There are days where I miss our friendship. I just heard you got engaged to the boyfriend who you became dependent on when we were friends and its stirring up a weird feeling in me. I had a flash of what your wedding would be like, anything like your sister's I was so involved in? I had a feeling that had this happened four years ago, myself and my friends would have made up your whole bridal party. But then I was also hit with the feeling of being happy I wasn't around anymore to deal with your weird idea of a friendship, while simultaneously feeling sorry for the girls who are your friends now, if you have girl friends. It was a strange sensation to say the least; some part sad, some part relief because you two have been together for.ev.er., and mostly I was unaffected because I knew you two would never date anyone else, so this was the natural next step.

          We were friends so quickly and everything fell into place. Countless laughs were shared between us, countless Panera homewwork dates, countless trips to target, countless hours memorizing A Milli by Lil Wayne, and countless car jams to the current hit songs. But, those are far gone now; maybe you're doing those things with other people, or maybe you're not. The point is, I don't know...because, just like Molinari says in her piece, I don't know you anymore. Woah. Thats kind of intense to say, but it is the truth. And who knows, you could have changed a thousand times over in the past three or so years we haven't been friends, but I. Don't. Know. But, I also think I'm finally at a place where I don't care either.

          And that might sound harsh, but as I've gotten older, I've realized more so what life is about and what relationships, friendships, are about and you were not a good friend.

          Looking back, I wonder if you just weren't that into being my friend throughout the entire relationship, and that is why you were so selfish, or so self-centered. But then, I wonder too, if maybe, for whatever reason, you became that way quicker than I because of something that happened to you? I think after our failed friendship, I've become even more so self centered and selfish because I was awakened to the idea that not everyone is as good a friend, or person for that matter, as I am, and they can hurt you if you're open, and giving, and loving.

          Don't get me wrong, I've been an asshole my whole life, I've learned from the best, my dad, but I think our failed friendship effected me more than I'd like to confess. And I hope you were hurt by it too, because you lost a great friend when I ended things. But, realistically, I sit here, 3 years later thinking you were unaffected, unbothered, to lose a friend like me and that still bugs me.

          This failed friendship though has pushed me closer to my family because I discovered that they are the only ones who will be there for you, time and time again. These days I'd much rather hang out with my family because I've realized, as much as we butt heads or disagree, I like them best. This doesn't mean either that I don't like to hang out with my friends, others who you stopped being friends with when I cut you out.

          When I saw the cracks in our friendship, I tried to glue them back together; I tried to fix it and talk it out with you. There was a tear soaked Chipotle napkin to prove it. When I asked you to talk with me that day, I genuinely thought we could get back to the high school and junior college friendship that we had. But, alas, your college aged self couldn't do that. No effort was put in on your behalf, and ultimately that's why I chose to really, really end our friendship with the seemingly childish deletion off Facebook, Instagram, and from the Contacts in my phone. But, it was before I completely cut you out that I feel you had already made your decision: you didn't want to be my friend anymore, and maybe you were scared to say that to me, or maybe you didn't want to make it weird or awkward online, but I couldn't do it anymore. And seeing you pop up tagged in things on Facebook and mentioned in comments on Instagram was just so irritating that I couldn't take it any longer.

          After all this time though, I do want to apologize for anything I may have done or said to you that you felt was hurtful. Hurting you was never my intention, and if I did that, I am truly sorry.

          But, yes, I'm still bitter about the entire situation, maybe more so the farther removed we get from our end, but with good reason. I have learned that I am an awesome, kick-ass friend, and an amazing person with good morals, standards, and care for my relationships and how dare you think I wasn't worth being friends with. But your skewed view of me does not affect the view of myself, so don't get it twisted.

          I barely remember what started chipping away at our friendship. I do remember feeling unwanted in a way or unimportant when you and your boyfriend became dependent on each other. He was always with you and it felt like we lost our friend, but gained this conjoined couple. And that was not what I had signed up for in being your friend. Regardless of all of this, I have realized that it was your loss when you decided to give up on our friendship and I cut you out of my life. I didn't want your so-called friendship anymore and I decided that I deserved better. And better I found.

          So, in a way, thank you for sucking. Thank you for being a bitch. Thank you for being selfish and self-centered, because without you in my life, I like where I've ended up. And I can't really say I'd like where I would've ended up had you stayed in my life.

As Molinari said in her article:
                         "And, I hope that one day someone asks you how I am.

                         I hope you realize that you don't know.

                        And, I hope you miss me and I hope it hurts.

                        *P.S. I also hope that someone crazy like Taylor Swift comes along and throws
                   
                        your phone in a fountain, or totals your car with a golf club.*"



Here's the link to Molinari's article on the odysseyonline.com: An Open Letter To The Friends That Walked Out Of My Life