Another Open Letter

          I recently read an article on theodysseyonline.com and it got me thinking. The article drew me in because of it's title "An Open Letter To The Friends That Walked Out Of My Life" and the use of a Taylor Swift gif.  The author, Brittany Molinari, touched on the self explanatory topic and it got my wheels turning. I too have experienced a friendship that has failed, but I didn't necessarily agree with everything Molinari says. So, here's my take on this topic:

"An Open Letter to the Bitch Who Clearly Didn't Want to be My Friend Friend I Cut Out"

           I tried to fix it. I really did. And clearly, you didn't want to. I have no idea who you're friends with these days, but I hope you treat them better than you treated me, and I hope you care enough about them to continuously put effort into that relationship.

          There are days where I miss our friendship. I just heard you got engaged to the boyfriend who you became dependent on when we were friends and its stirring up a weird feeling in me. I had a flash of what your wedding would be like, anything like your sister's I was so involved in? I had a feeling that had this happened four years ago, myself and my friends would have made up your whole bridal party. But then I was also hit with the feeling of being happy I wasn't around anymore to deal with your weird idea of a friendship, while simultaneously feeling sorry for the girls who are your friends now, if you have girl friends. It was a strange sensation to say the least; some part sad, some part relief because you two have been together for.ev.er., and mostly I was unaffected because I knew you two would never date anyone else, so this was the natural next step.

          We were friends so quickly and everything fell into place. Countless laughs were shared between us, countless Panera homewwork dates, countless trips to target, countless hours memorizing A Milli by Lil Wayne, and countless car jams to the current hit songs. But, those are far gone now; maybe you're doing those things with other people, or maybe you're not. The point is, I don't know...because, just like Molinari says in her piece, I don't know you anymore. Woah. Thats kind of intense to say, but it is the truth. And who knows, you could have changed a thousand times over in the past three or so years we haven't been friends, but I. Don't. Know. But, I also think I'm finally at a place where I don't care either.

          And that might sound harsh, but as I've gotten older, I've realized more so what life is about and what relationships, friendships, are about and you were not a good friend.

          Looking back, I wonder if you just weren't that into being my friend throughout the entire relationship, and that is why you were so selfish, or so self-centered. But then, I wonder too, if maybe, for whatever reason, you became that way quicker than I because of something that happened to you? I think after our failed friendship, I've become even more so self centered and selfish because I was awakened to the idea that not everyone is as good a friend, or person for that matter, as I am, and they can hurt you if you're open, and giving, and loving.

          Don't get me wrong, I've been an asshole my whole life, I've learned from the best, my dad, but I think our failed friendship effected me more than I'd like to confess. And I hope you were hurt by it too, because you lost a great friend when I ended things. But, realistically, I sit here, 3 years later thinking you were unaffected, unbothered, to lose a friend like me and that still bugs me.

          This failed friendship though has pushed me closer to my family because I discovered that they are the only ones who will be there for you, time and time again. These days I'd much rather hang out with my family because I've realized, as much as we butt heads or disagree, I like them best. This doesn't mean either that I don't like to hang out with my friends, others who you stopped being friends with when I cut you out.

          When I saw the cracks in our friendship, I tried to glue them back together; I tried to fix it and talk it out with you. There was a tear soaked Chipotle napkin to prove it. When I asked you to talk with me that day, I genuinely thought we could get back to the high school and junior college friendship that we had. But, alas, your college aged self couldn't do that. No effort was put in on your behalf, and ultimately that's why I chose to really, really end our friendship with the seemingly childish deletion off Facebook, Instagram, and from the Contacts in my phone. But, it was before I completely cut you out that I feel you had already made your decision: you didn't want to be my friend anymore, and maybe you were scared to say that to me, or maybe you didn't want to make it weird or awkward online, but I couldn't do it anymore. And seeing you pop up tagged in things on Facebook and mentioned in comments on Instagram was just so irritating that I couldn't take it any longer.

          After all this time though, I do want to apologize for anything I may have done or said to you that you felt was hurtful. Hurting you was never my intention, and if I did that, I am truly sorry.

          But, yes, I'm still bitter about the entire situation, maybe more so the farther removed we get from our end, but with good reason. I have learned that I am an awesome, kick-ass friend, and an amazing person with good morals, standards, and care for my relationships and how dare you think I wasn't worth being friends with. But your skewed view of me does not affect the view of myself, so don't get it twisted.

          I barely remember what started chipping away at our friendship. I do remember feeling unwanted in a way or unimportant when you and your boyfriend became dependent on each other. He was always with you and it felt like we lost our friend, but gained this conjoined couple. And that was not what I had signed up for in being your friend. Regardless of all of this, I have realized that it was your loss when you decided to give up on our friendship and I cut you out of my life. I didn't want your so-called friendship anymore and I decided that I deserved better. And better I found.

          So, in a way, thank you for sucking. Thank you for being a bitch. Thank you for being selfish and self-centered, because without you in my life, I like where I've ended up. And I can't really say I'd like where I would've ended up had you stayed in my life.

As Molinari said in her article:
                         "And, I hope that one day someone asks you how I am.

                         I hope you realize that you don't know.

                        And, I hope you miss me and I hope it hurts.

                        *P.S. I also hope that someone crazy like Taylor Swift comes along and throws
                   
                        your phone in a fountain, or totals your car with a golf club.*"



Here's the link to Molinari's article on the odysseyonline.com: An Open Letter To The Friends That Walked Out Of My Life

What's In My Ipsy Bag: April 2015

Favorite time of the month! IPSY time!! Let's get right into it- this month's Ipsy bag was pretty banging!

The Bag: This bag is so cute! It is a woven straw type of material with multi-colored threads added into it! It is so bright and cheery, but also gives off the "Beautifully Bohemian" feel that Ipsy chose as the theme for the month!

Item 1: Mally Beauty Evercolor Starlight Waterproof Eyeliner in Shimmering Black, full size, retails for $18. You guys! 18 bucks for an eyeliner- this bag has already paid for itself! Uhhh, hello one hell of a deal! This liner is so smooth and glides on like butter. The only issue I have is that the color is as black as I'd like. Now, maybe this is because we received the Shimmering Black color and one that isn't shimmering may be more opaque, but regardless, I'm totes keeping this because it is so easy and smooth and doesn't tug on your eyelids at all! 

Item 2: Olive Lips Moisturizing Lip Balm in Oats and Honey, full size, retails for $5.95. I'm always down for a good lip balm, but I'm not down for this one! I just really don't like the smell of it and for some reason it being called Olive Lips just creeps me out. I just envision a bunch of olives, that in fact, I'd rather be eating, smashed into the tube. Now I know, it's probably olive oil that is used in the lip balm, but still! I'm not sure if I'd actually like another scent or formula, but Oats, Honey, and Olives, just don't seem to go together well for me. It is very moisturizing and feels good on the lips, but I have to smell the weirdness the entire time and I am so not a fan. Thanks, but I'll be passing it on to my mom!

Item 3: theBalm Nude Dude mini eyeshadow in Fit, seems full size of a single shadow in the palette, so I'm gonna say it retails for $3, a 12th of the price of the full palette. This is SO gorgeous!! I'm in love! and I'm really tempted to buy the full palette, because theBalm gets me with their packaging EVERY. TIME. I mean come on, Nude Dudes line the inside of the palette with shadow pans covering up their essential parts! So stinkin' cute! This color in particular is a buttery, soft, coppery color and its right up my alley!

Item 4: Aromachology Sophisticated & Sensual perfume, small roller ball with .17 fl oz, about half the original bottle, retails for $20. Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. I did not like this scent at all. But, luckily my mom does. It does smell a little elderly, if I do say so myself, but yuck, not my fav! 

Item 5: JulieG Nail Polish in Damsel, full size, retails for $3.99. This color is so cute! Perfect for Spring and Summer! It is a bright medium dark pink. It's not too red and not too light pink, its like the perfect in between color! I really love it! As soon as I'm finished here, I'm painting my toes with it! Bonus: they included a $1 off coupon in the box!! Score!

Overall: I loved this month's bag! The 2 products I didn't really like are being passed on and the 3 I liked a lot are being coveted! I'm so impressed with the shadow by theBalm, absolutely love the color of the JulieG nail polish, not to mention that I also love JulieG, and I am so going to get a lot of use out of the Mally Beauty eyeliner! Although, I still do prefer my Rimmel Scandal Eyes Waterproof Kohl Kajal! The bag totals out to be worth about $50! 50 BUCKS!!! WHAT?! You definitely NEED to #gogetyousome

20 of the Most Irritating Things About Living in a Hairy World, While You Have No Hair

     Living in a world dominated by hair while being a bald woman for most of my life can be irritating, to say the least. This is the negative post about being hairless, the positive one will be sure to follow shortly. These are some of the things I've noticed and dealt with from those with hair, while being bald.

Me, bald, with my twin and her mile long hair!

     1. Armpit hair. Plain and simple, it grosses me out. Now I know this is normal, by all means, but hair in general has begun to slightly gross me out and hair in an armpit, be it male or female, just grosses me out. Yuck!

     2. When their hair touches you. It is the strangest sensation. It is a weird combination of tickling and being afraid you walked into a spider web or there's a bug on you. Now I'm not one to lose my shit at the sight of a bug on me, but I generally don't want bugs thinking I'm a rather large play ground to frolic on.

     3. Not being able to recreate any awesome hairstyles. I mean, loosing your hair at 10, before we even did our own hair, makes you a little out of practice when it comes to hairstyles. I mean, I have a better skill level than men, and my brother still opts for me to do my niece's hair, but I'm definitely not at my sister's level. Who has, like a normal girl, learned a variety of tricks and stuff to do with her down-to-her-butt hair. Sorry Tay for that off center pony tail, but it's the best Auntie Baldy can do today, so we're going with it!


     4. Hair in the sink. Nothing makes me wanna barf more than that disgusting hair nest that clogs up a sink drain. Well, maybe it makes me wanna barf less than the next item on the list.

     5. Hair in the shower. The drain never clogs when I'm in the shower. I never simultaneously have to take a shower and a bath because the drain has clogged. But this happened often when both my sister and I lived at home. And this was always the case if I showered following my sister. I grew smart and made her clear the drain every time before I even got in, as the water was still heating up. (I couldn't shower before her because she'd take like 500 hours in the shower just to wash all that hair and shave. AND then she'd have to dry and style said hair.)

     6. Hair balls everywhere. Like literally. EVE-RY-WHERE. I only ever heard of hair balls be associated with cats, but nope, our house still accumulates hair and dust balls in the corners of the house, and my sister hasn't lived here for over two years. My mom's hair is short, I have no hair, and my dad shaves his head, so how they hell could this be happening still?!

     7. Bobby pins everywhere. Again, literally. Why? And where in the world do they come from? I don't ever need bobby pins, but I can almost guarantee a rebellious bobby pin has made its way into my purse.

     8. Hair ties/ headbands everywhere. Currently, after my sister's Easter weekend visit, there sits 2 hair ties on the bathroom counter, hopelessly awaiting her return. These are also some of the items that have been known to slip themselves into my purse. And it never fails, friends ask me for hair ties all the time, but end up laughing hysterically at their own question before finishing.

     9. All the hair paraphernalia. Blow Dryer, Curler, Straightener, etc. This all leads to cluttered counter tops and I can't hang. they just create mess with all their cords and accessories. Get them outta here, I need room for my makeup paraphernalia!

     10. The people who don't take care of their hair. I almost feel like this is an injustice to the hair. And a misuse of privilege. Because, you know, if I had hair it would be bangin' like 95% of the time.

     11. Pulling mile long hairs out of my clothes. Like seriously?! You had to invade the washer and dryer too. This is another thing that sticks around long after my sister leaves. Thanks, Lauren!

     12. The fact that my mom and dad have paid for numerous hair cuts, dye jobs, stylist tips, etc. Where is my equivalent dolling out of cash?

     13. Having no eyelashes. This means everything in the world gets into my eyes. I mean seriously my baby nephew has spit up in my eye! Now, I don't know if eyelashes could have helped this problem, but I'd like to think they would have. Also, because of not having eyelashes and everything getting in my eyes, I constantly have watery eyes. Such a bitch for makeup!

     14. I keep receiving hair products in my Ipsy subscription. I have started a collection of things I can't use. My friends and mom luck out every month though.

     15. When riding the tram at Disneyland and the random bitch's hair, from the row in front of you, blows in your face. Plain and simple, this is disgusting to me. Keep your hair to yourself!

     16. Waiting on others who have hair. Quick typically cannot be included in their vocabulary. Hair takes a long time to deal with, unless they're going for the homeless look. Which, sometimes, I completely encourage and accept, for the sake of time.

     17. Dating... or the severe lack thereof. Or maybe that is just my #fatgirl-ness, or the combination of both being fat and bald? Who knows?

     18. Having to watch all the hair tutorials from the YoutTubers you subscribe to, just to mark them as watched. Can we say irrelevant?

     19. Finding a hat to go with certain outfits. I certainly can't rock my baseball cap with an interview outfit. Do I go with the extremely hot winter white angora hat? Or do I dare just go bald?

     20. On a similar topic, what the fuck am I supposed to do for my wedding... assuming I get to that point in my life!

Bonus Jonas: No eyebrows to make my makeup look bomb. They really do frame the face and I just feel like my make up would be 100 if I had some brows to help me out. And let me tell you, drawing on eyebrows is hard as fuck!

What's In My Ipsy Bag: February 2015

     Ahhhh February, the month of love! Or should I say #IpsyLove, since that was the theme of February's Ipsy Glambag?

So, let's start with the bag! It was printed, as you can see above, with a diamond pattern all over with a pink zipper and Ipsy zipper pull. I didn't really like it, it just isn't my style! I do like the color scheme of pink and grey, but I was just ehhh on the bag!

Item 1: EVA NYC Up All Night Volumizing Spray, 1 fl oz, retails for $10. Yup, another product I can't use. But my mom, who could use some volumizing was appreciative when I handed it off to her!

Item 2: Mitchell and Peach Fine Radiance Oil, .34 fl oz, this amount would retail for about $1. I was very interested in this product when I first opened my bag! But, alas, I tried it and decided to pass it on to someone else! Face oils are all the talk currently, and I thought it would work well as a way to add some more moisture to my face, but as soon as I opened it and put it on my face I was immediately turned off! The smell was so not for me!! On the front it says "Flora No.1" and so I took this to be the scent, but I don't get any floral scent as I smell it! And who wants to smear something that smells bad all over their face? Uhhh, not me!

Item 3: Emite Make Up Professional Eye Lash Curler, retails for $25. Whaaaat? How in the world could an eye lash curler cost that much? And since this is another product I can't use, I'll have to ask my mom how the super fancy, super expensive lash curler is working for her!

Item 4: ModelCo Blush in Cosmopolitan, .12 oz, and I'm assuming this is full size, retails for $22. Are you kidding me? More than 20 bucks for a blush by a company that isn't a cult favorite? I'm good with the NYX blushes for about 5 or 6 bucks! Although, I really do like the blush! This color I received is quite pretty and perfect for spring. So this is the main product I was really excited about, except I do wish I had received the coral color, but oh well.

Item 5: City Color Creamy Lip Stain in Flirtini, retails for $4.99. I was so stoked about this product, and the color! It is a really beautiful true bright deep pink! I was a little let down by the formula though! It is not at all like the liquid lipsticks I've tried, but I guess that's since it is a lip stain, not a lip stick! Hmmmm, I guess that makes more sense! Anyways, it felt very greasy, in a sense, on my lips and I definitely didn't like that! It was also a little sheer! But I could pair it with a matching lip liner and maybe that would help with both of my problems!

Overall: I am genuinely pretty happy with February's glam bag! While I continue to get items I can't use, the ones I can I usually really like! And I always just hold out hope for next month!! Even if I may be disappointed in some products it's always the great deal that keeps me hanging on! I mean this bag had some seriously expensive products in it! The face oil, in full size, was around a whopping $46!! February's total was approximately $63! And to think I paid only $10?! WOW! Ipsy does it again, bringing killer deals to their beauty subscribers!! Not to mention, they always include coupon codes for 20 or 30% off products and they always offer items you can cash in points, that you earn by reviewing products, for rewards, but they now include special offers every month on a few items from brands featured in the monthly bag at a really discounted price! Love, Love, Love!!

If you'd like to check out Ipsy, go ahead and click the link: Ipsy

Awesome Product Alert!! Rimmel Provocalips!

SERIOUSLY. GO TO THE STORE NOW AND PICK SOME OUT. 

     These babies have made me become obsessive in just a couple of days. After seeing Judy, from ItsJudyTime, do her review, I had to go get me one of these! She said they claimed to be 16hr wear and they were FOOD PROOF. Uhhh, a big deal to the #fatgirls, myself included! And who doesn't want a lip stick to stay on all day?! These actually work and are so freaking cheap! After trying one, I scoured the Internet for more and more swatches and made a list of all the colors I wanted! I currently have 4 and I just have to tell you about them! I have Make Your Move, I'll Call You, Play With Fire, and Kiss Fatal. Each lipstick has two ends that function amazing together! One end is the color, its a runny formula but very opaque, at least in the colors I picked up. The other end is a clear gloss sealer, that smells so good! Its a little fruity and a little sweet! Not to mention I can't get over how stinking cute the packaging! That lipstick print has me excited every time I reach for these!! AND they're around $7 wherever you go! Uhm, yes please! I love it!

     
     Make Your Move is a perfect "my lips but better" color, and it even works for the Kylie Jenner nude, mauve-y lip that is perfect with every look. This is the first one I tried and I fell in love! I NEEDED more after this one! I wore this for about 11 hours before I decided to reapply. At the 11 hour mark the color was still very much on my lips, but the edges had started to recede inwards so, I reapplied the product once more and continued on for about 3 more hours! Seriously, this was amazing to me! I spent my day in the city, aka San Francisco, and had a hamburger for lunch and my lipstick still looked perfect when I got home after my day out! I am so impressed with these!

     I'll Call You is a stunning bright deep, more berry pink! I was on the hunt for this one for a while and my mom ever so sweetly went to 3 Walgreens near where she works and finally tracked it down for me! Love it! I see this working well as a transition color from Winter to Spring! I can't wait to wear it more!

     Play With Fire is a beautiful deep red color. Love it so much! A red is a perfect color to have in this formula because red lipstick can sometimes be a pain in the ass to touch up, keep neat and clean, etc. Having this red that won't budge is such a nice option!

     Kiss Fatal= is an awesome light purple-y plum color and I am a sucker for the berry lips, so I had to have this one too! One thing that bothers me though, the name. Kiss Fatal? what about Fatal Kiss? Or maybe Kiss Fatale, that'd make a little more sense, I don't know, I'm just weird, but its a weird name, alright! Anyways, this color is so pretty! And once again, having colors you don't have to fix is so nice! So, its safe to say, I am happy, and quite obsessed with these lip products!

  
     From left to right I've swatched my colors: Make Your Move, I'll Call You, Play With Fire, and Kiss Fatal.


     I'm sure I've said this before, but in the words of Eleventh Gorgeous, #gogetyousome!!! LIKE NOW!

What's in my Ipsy Glam Bag: January

   Sorry this is sooooo overdue! I haven't posted on my blog in a 2 whole months! The holidays got really busy for me and my sister was home for most December and January, gobbling up my writing time. Not that I didn't enjoy spending my days with her, but I just had significantly less time, like none, to sit down and write! So I apologize! Hope the Holidays were good for you all, and I hope 2015 has found you happy, laughing, and healthy!! So onto my January Ipsy Bag!! I just tried to sit down and write my December review, but my December bag has gone missing! And honestly, I can't be bothered to really, really, look for it, so on to the next!

   January's theme was "Fresh Start," with it being a new year and all, and I really liked this idea! Fresh new beginnings always make a girl feel good.

   So, the bag: January's bag was pretty cute! It was White on one side, blue on the other, and coral on the inside with a coral zipper and zipper pull. I love the coral and white combined, but the blue threw me off a little! The bag itself is printed or embossed sort of, it's textured, like canvas, but is made of a nice, smooth pleather!

Item 1: BellaPierre Shimmer Powder in Celebration, full size, retails for $14.99. This shadow is very beautiful. It is a rich, warm, coppery bronze. The color payoff is great and its a shimmer, so its not just glitter on your eye, which I'm not opposed to, but it is an awesome smooth shimmer that blends out on your eye well.

Item 2: Elizabeth Mott All Over Shadow Brush, retails for $9.99 This brush is so cute! It has a bright pink handle and silver details. The bristles are white with dip-dyed hot pink tips. it is extra soft and would work to pack shadow on, blend in the crease, and apply your under brow highlight! Love!

Item 3:La Fresh Eco-Beauty Good Day. Day Moisturizer. deluxe sample size, .5oz, retails online for $13.99. Okay, I'm liking moisturizers more and more, but this one has such an unpleasant smell. I tested this on my hand before applying to my face and I am so glad I did! To me, it smells like some bad sushi. I don't know, its another extra natural product and I just don't think I'm a fan of the natural smell. On anything. Humans or beauty products!

Item 4: Pacifica Natural Mineral Coconut Eyeshadow in Ethereal, .08oz, seems like a full sized pan, but their website appears to not sell single pan eye shadows, so I'm unsure of retail price. They have sets online that are around $10-15 bucks which is reasonable and Target sells this brand as well! The shade I got is quite gorgeous! It is a light pinky pearl nude and it would stunning as a highlight or as an all over color for a very, very natural eye. The texture of the shadow is incredibly smooth and buttery too! I really like it!

Item 5: Probelle Into the Blue Nail Lacquer, full size, retails for $6. A nail polish is a nail polish and I have thousands, and I really may not be exaggerating that, so. many. nail. polishes. This is just another, I don't really like blues, so this will be stashed for use in a design or given to a friend.


In Conclusion: This bag's retail came close to $50 when I factored in all the prices and an estimated value of $3 for the Pacifica eyeshadow! Wow! And I only paid $10 and change! Awesome deals!!! Overall, I think January's bag rocked! I loved the shimmer powder, the eyeshadow brush, and the Pacifica shadow. Those three FULL-SIZED items were amazing! They far out-weight the smelly sushi moisturizer, that I'll promptly being throwing in the trash, and the blue polish I'll rarely use! Once again, Ipsy does another fabulous bag!! Can't wait for February!

If you wanna try Ipsy, here's the link: Ipsy